Monday, January 27, 2014

Can I be vulnerable with you?

Can I be vulnerable with you? I struggle sometimes in trying to figure out how to keep the right perspective on things and not turn away from pain just because it's painful (that's my instinct). Sometimes when things are painful my first response is to avoid in hopes that it will resolve or leave on its own. Usually when it’s persistent my heart can’t run from it for very long before the weight of its burden proves to strong to bare alone. So I call, I ask and I pray. 

Running and facing our giants alone is a risky decision to try to do. I am a person that thinks by nature. My mind is always moving,thinking and talking. I wake some night with so many thought running wild through my mind that writing is the only remedy in which will allow sleep to resume. My journals that sit next to my bed all of which are now digital are filled with random words, broken dreams, scattered memories, ideas and hurts. I write these only because they are therapeutic to my soul and some days my head phones, the gym and Jesus will trump any form of therapy. My past is tricky. My memories still can be scattered in my brain, even after 13 years free from my past triggers still arise and memories still surface. Years ago when I struggled, I would self medicate which just filled one broken hurt with another broken remedy. My faith was non existing and my secrets were too many to keep straight so lies over came me. 
I am aware of what facing our giants alone can do to a person. Having a mind full of thoughts,pains and confessions will slowly cause ones soul to crumble. Being vulnerable, honestly, can suck, it can let the wrong people in and allow you to become a open target for judgment. On the other hand being vulnerable can offer solutions, a shoulder and through the process you might just find that when your flame has been burnt out a friend can reignite your light in order for it to shine brightly again.

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”~ Albert Schweitzer