Red Flags

Are you aware that 90% of children personally know and trust their abuser! These man and women are good at gaining our children's and even our own trust. This process is commonly referred to as grooming.  To the naked eye, it can seem like nothing more than a caring and helpful adult.  So, how can we tell the difference between a healthy, caring, adult and one that has motives to hurt our little ones? There are red flags and when we see them or our guts say "something just doesn't seem right" we must act on that. We can't just pass the problem on to someone else, in the hopes to clean our hands and conscience of what we see and feel as inappropriate. Some of the red flags are as following:

- Someone continually disregarding to let your child set boundaries. Boundaries and limits are there for a purpose. The person with corrupt intentions will consistently test those limits.

-An adult that seem preoccupied with a children "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who seem to engage in frequent contact with children, i.e., casual touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling, combing hair or having children sit on their lap.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who act like children when with children or who allow children to do questionable or inappropriate things.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who want to take your children on special outings too frequently or plan activities that would include being alone with your child.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who do not have children and seem to know too much about the current fads or music popular with children.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults that your children seem to like for reasons you don't understand.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who seem able to infiltrate family and social functions or are "always available" to watch your kids.  "source Oprah.com"

These are just some common red flags to help us identify where a child maybe in harms way. We must not become jaded or paranoid that all good deeds have a motive but if your gut and heart do not feel right, ACT!

What The Ticket means to me

To me The Ticket is so much more than a 32 page children's book. What I see in the words, is the heart of abuse and the fear and courage that comes through it. It gives hope, where there is very little. It opens the heart of a child in need and communicates to a large group of people, young and old. This  group if given the chance, would surely not be part of this group that is rapidly growing daily, but they would never want to not be part of the solution.  There is a unspoken hurt that is shared, it is seen in each others eyes. The Ticket isn't just words or pictures of sexual abuse. It was written with the passion to end abuse. To give victims their first voice, and to say I understand your pain and I am here to lend my heart, voice and ear to help you see your worth. The Ticket isn't  just a book to me that deals with sexual abuse, it was written from my soul and my own deep desire to end this horrible epidemic. I want the few people that haven't been affected by abuse to know how real it is, and the adults that are still carrying that burden alone, to feel safe to release it. Mostly I just want every child that is facing abuse now to have their Ticket out Today, not in ten years or as an adult but this very moment.

Courage is contagious

(Guest post written by Shaney with who was my ticket out of abuse, and for me the strongest and most inspiring survivor I know. Her story, strength and courage is contagious!)

It's been a long 28 years of life for this young women. 15 years of complete terror, 8 years of horror, and another 5 years of bliss. Let's see what exactly defines terror?Well Webster says 1 : a state of intense fear. But what exactly is fear? Fear is defined as 1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. That's exactly the way I remember those years of terror... Full of fear of what may or may not happen next. As children we need stability to trust that what may happen next will not harm us. Without it we have instability or terror. As a child I dreamed of a home without terror. Not a large luxurious home but a home that was safe. Let's imagine life without ever being safe for just a second. A life that was spent day and night with fear. It's almost unimaginable. Safety is defined as 1 : free from harm or risk. Now I know a child should not have to dream of such things as safety. Safety should not be a luxury but it should be freely given to every child. But in those 15 years of my life of terror safety was a only a dream. When a child dreams it gives them hope. Hope is defined as 1 : to cherish a desire with anticipation. A child has the truest feelings of hope. They can cherish there dreams and also expect them to come true. As we grow older we lose that innocence. I almost believe that as we get older we all lose a little hope each day.
So how did I learn to have hope again? Through God! I found the one thing that is safe. In other words
I had found my dream! So you ask what's the 8 years of horror, right? Horror is defined as 1. an overwhelming and painful feeling caused by something frightfully shocking, terrifying, or revolting. So I had found this amazing place where I could feel safe, but not from myself! The horror was now within me. So for 8 years I lived with the feeling of horror that was caused by, ME. It's easy to blame someone else for everything that has happened and stay locked in horror forever! So you ask how did I make it from horror to bliss! I forgave myself. I admitted that the problem was within me and moved on. With that one safe place and forgiveness we have BLISS

Healing is a journey

Healing can be very deceiving. When you have gone through the healing process enough to share your story and encourage others, it can seem that you are healed or have arrived at such a place. Just remember when you break your leg you will probable wear a cast, stop walking on it and tend to the healing process of that break.  When the cast is off  and you get an all clear by your Doctor that it is healed.  Yet in a X-ray you can see where it has been previously broken long after its been deemed healed. So what does that mean, that you can't be healed or move past your abuse? No, absolutely not! Healing is possible and victory is offered, but don't let the illusion that someone is completely healed and you are not discourage you! It is an on going day to day journey. There are triggers still, and these triggers may lessen but do they ever completely leave? For me not yet, can a anxious heart still cause me to have fear? Yes! What about a simple smell or comment being able to bring me right back to that place,  Yes again. Do I have forgiveness and  victory in my heart? Absolutely , and I love the place I am in, but aware that I am not "there" wherever "there" is! Transparency is so important and sensitivity to each persons own journey. We each have our own story and no two stories are alike,  as also no two healing journeys are the same. Encouraging others is a powerful gift that I encourage everyone to freely give out, because you never know where in their journey they currently are!   

Dad's that are making a forever impression

Have you ever heard the quote,”A Dad is a son's first hero and a daughter's first love"? Well, that quote is completely true in our home. When my husband, Ben, walks in the door from work, I can be sure of a few things: I can be certain our home will get louder, there will be tons of wrestling, lots of running from dad as he chases our kids around the house with a Nerf gun, or sneaking outback while they play, with water balloons to toss at them. There will be screaming, lots of laughing and even a child or two getting hurt from the rough housing. There will be many "Dad guess what happened today" being said and many hugs. He is such a gentle giant; one that teaches his family the love of Christ by his openness to love, and be loved. I have always called him a silent leader; he may not have a million words to speak, but he makes everyone word he speaks count. He takes our children hunting, hiking, and fishing. And, that very same man will also paint his daughter’s finger nails and let her paint his. Children need Daddies, ones that are present and transparent, ones who will change diapers, do story time and will enjoy introducing his children to his own hobbies. Being active, and present, in our children's lives will not ensure that abuse won’t happen.  However, our presence, and involvement, will ensure a greater chance that our children will tell us if there is abuse, and they will have the knowledge that it is wrong, and the confidence to speak up. It is more common for us to hear of active and present moms, but there are a lot of dads who are nurturing healthy hearts in their children too.  I think we should talk much more about rockstar dads; it makes my heart happy to see them in action!

Through Her Eyes

Anyone will hurt for a child that's been sexual abused and we all do. But for us, that have also been sexually abused ourselves, we don't just hurt for them, we hurt with them. When hearing their story,  we instantly will physically feel their pain and the devastating shame that goes along with abuse. Its a instant burden we then carry along with them.  No matter how far through the healing journey we have walked. There is  no time or distance that can separate our memories from that pain. I recently had a humbling encounter with a young girl that has endured horrific pain and torment at the hands of a abuser. Her pain, so raw and wounds so freshly opened, that my heart physically hurt and many nights I  lost sleep thinking of this amazing child and her beautiful eyes. Those eyes that told her story with no words needing to be spoken. That same pain I felt in that room, while talking with this young survivor, is the same pain that drives me to bring awareness to this secret awful epidemic . I don't have all the answers or know just how completely yet,  but through many voices and lots of tears, day  by day and child by child, abuse will have a voice and that voice will say enough and people will start to listen.

Boundaries

The truth of the matter is, boundaries are important and essential. We need all different kinds of boundaries for different individual in our life.These people dictate what degree is needed for them in our lives. We just need to tweak each boundary to keep it healthy and we must constantly reevaluate our boundaries. Some people are respectful of our limits and don't push passed whats been set. So using a nice white picket fence is expectable and honestly most desirable. Other's see a small hole in our fence and dig their way under. Or the other's will do any and everything to come over our fence without our permission. Thats when the six foot tall, brick wall, topped with barbed wire and a loud siren will come in handy. So its hard and scary at times to set limits but for any healthy relationship there must be healthy boundaries in place. People that have came from an abusive childhood never had healthy boundaries set or taught. So as these children grow to teens and adults they struggle to set up healthy boundaries and have to learn what should had been instilled as a young child. Rememeber any steps we take towards health is a step further from our past.