It’s okay to be rude too.

 Every morning for as long as I can remember. Right before my elementary kids head out the door for school. I pray with them. After we pray, I say, “remember who you are” and they yell back, “and who’s you are” I then say, “if you see someone that looks lonely or sad,” they respond back, “make them smile.” 

 Our children are kind, empathetic and they know right from wrong. They see people and love them just as they are. They are great kids and I’m so proud of who they are. 

 They all know “their body their choice.” We don’t make them hug or kiss anyone they don’t want too, including us. They know if any person touches them inappropriately or physically hurts them. They can tell us and without question or hesitation we will fully believe them and take full and unapologetic actions against that person. I’m so thankful for that too. 

Something I recently realized I haven’t done the best as their mom though. I focused more on the large things, the big things, the life shattering things that adults should NEVER do.  I also focused on my children respecting adults, loving others, and obeying authority, but there is a piece missing that comes at a cost. I had to relearn and am now reteaching my children every day. IT’S OKAY TO BE RUDE too! Not every adult deserves our children’s full kindness. Sometimes adults need to be called out, placed outside of their circle or reminded what behavior is acceptable and what is not and children can be rude too. I remind and show my children more often now that if what someone is doing makes them uncomfortable or wasn’t kind, they can speak up, even on the subtle and seemingly small things, because adults need to be held accountable too. I am constantly learning and readjusting my own world to better theirs and this lesson was needed even if it was a little painful as their mama to watch them navigate through. Everyday before my children walk out the door. I still pray with them. I remind them who they are and to look for the lonely or sad faces and help bring a smile to them and lastly, as I hug them, I say,  “and sometimes,” and they yell back, “it’s okay to be rude.” May we all raise kind, empathetic, loving children, that also know, it’s okay to be rude. 

Red Flags

Are you aware that 90% of children personally know and trust their abuser! These man and women are good at gaining our children's and even our own trust. This process is commonly referred to as grooming.  To the naked eye, it can seem like nothing more than a caring and helpful adult.  So, how can we tell the difference between a healthy, caring, adult and one that has motives to hurt our little ones? There are red flags and when we see them or our guts say "something just doesn't seem right" we must act on that. We can't just pass the problem on to someone else, in the hopes to clean our hands and conscience of what we see and feel as inappropriate. Some of the red flags are as following:

- Someone continually disregarding to let your child set boundaries. Boundaries and limits are there for a purpose. The person with corrupt intentions will consistently test those limits.

-An adult that seem preoccupied with a children "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who seem to engage in frequent contact with children, i.e., casual touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling, combing hair or having children sit on their lap.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who act like children when with children or who allow children to do questionable or inappropriate things.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who want to take your children on special outings too frequently or plan activities that would include being alone with your child.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who do not have children and seem to know too much about the current fads or music popular with children.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults that your children seem to like for reasons you don't understand.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who seem able to infiltrate family and social functions or are "always available" to watch your kids.  "source Oprah.com"

These are just some common red flags to help us identify where a child maybe in harms way. We must not become jaded or paranoid that all good deeds have a motive but if your gut and heart do not feel right, ACT!

Boundaries

The truth of the matter is, boundaries are important and essential. We need all different kinds of boundaries for different individual in our life.These people dictate what degree is needed for them in our lives. We just need to tweak each boundary to keep it healthy and we must constantly reevaluate our boundaries. Some people are respectful of our limits and don't push passed whats been set. So using a nice white picket fence is expectable and honestly most desirable. Other's see a small hole in our fence and dig their way under. Or the other's will do any and everything to come over our fence without our permission. Thats when the six foot tall, brick wall, topped with barbed wire and a loud siren will come in handy. So its hard and scary at times to set limits but for any healthy relationship there must be healthy boundaries in place. People that have came from an abusive childhood never had healthy boundaries set or taught. So as these children grow to teens and adults they struggle to set up healthy boundaries and have to learn what should had been instilled as a young child. Rememeber any steps we take towards health is a step further from our past.