It’s okay to be rude too.

 Every morning for as long as I can remember. Right before my elementary kids head out the door for school. I pray with them. After we pray, I say, “remember who you are” and they yell back, “and who’s you are” I then say, “if you see someone that looks lonely or sad,” they respond back, “make them smile.” 

 Our children are kind, empathetic and they know right from wrong. They see people and love them just as they are. They are great kids and I’m so proud of who they are. 

 They all know “their body their choice.” We don’t make them hug or kiss anyone they don’t want too, including us. They know if any person touches them inappropriately or physically hurts them. They can tell us and without question or hesitation we will fully believe them and take full and unapologetic actions against that person. I’m so thankful for that too. 

Something I recently realized I haven’t done the best as their mom though. I focused more on the large things, the big things, the life shattering things that adults should NEVER do.  I also focused on my children respecting adults, loving others, and obeying authority, but there is a piece missing that comes at a cost. I had to relearn and am now reteaching my children every day. IT’S OKAY TO BE RUDE too! Not every adult deserves our children’s full kindness. Sometimes adults need to be called out, placed outside of their circle or reminded what behavior is acceptable and what is not and children can be rude too. I remind and show my children more often now that if what someone is doing makes them uncomfortable or wasn’t kind, they can speak up, even on the subtle and seemingly small things, because adults need to be held accountable too. I am constantly learning and readjusting my own world to better theirs and this lesson was needed even if it was a little painful as their mama to watch them navigate through. Everyday before my children walk out the door. I still pray with them. I remind them who they are and to look for the lonely or sad faces and help bring a smile to them and lastly, as I hug them, I say,  “and sometimes,” and they yell back, “it’s okay to be rude.” May we all raise kind, empathetic, loving children, that also know, it’s okay to be rude. 

Sharing my past with my daughter

When I started writing The Ticket, my oldest child which just so happens to be my daughter and my mini-me, would frequently ask me why I wrote a book about such a sad thing. The usual response was, “My heart is very heavy for children that have been hurt deeply by adults in their life.”  That sentence seemed to hold off the inevitable conversation.The conversation I had always told myself she was just to young to know, but the truth is, I was just not ready to share that part of myself with this perfectly intact little girl. 

In our home, it’s a normal conversation for us to talk about modesty, the sacredness of their little bodies, and the appropriate behavior of trusted and non trusted adults. My children are comfortable with using correct body part names and talking about their bodies and what they feel is appropriate. I have never shied away from educating them in healthy and age appropriate ways about their own bodies. Even still, I knew this conversation would be different, it wasn’t just telling her there are some bad people in this world that hurt children, it would be telling her that one of these bad people not only is real, but existed in our own family and that he hurt her mom in horrible ways. I struggled with wanting to keep her young longer and not having to bring her into the sadness that does exist in this world.

This past week, I was writing in my office, when my daughter came in to see what I was doing. While sitting next to me she asked me what I was writing about. I told her, “I am writing about the courage and strength that a lot of amazing people have.”  Suddenly, I knew it was coming. I could see it in her eyes, the question that my heart knew was time to talk about with her. She asked me a similar question to what she has asked before, but this time I responded with “I write about this topic because I was one of these children.” I looked calm and spoke softly but my heart was racing. I thought telling her would be nearly as hard as talking about it had been when my abuse was first exposed. My daughter’s first response was asking me if it hurt? I told her that it hurt my heart much worse than it hurt my body, but yes, it did hurt. She asked a few more simple questions that I was able to answer, then she went on her way. A few hours later as I was cooking dinner she walked into the kitchen, hugged me and said, “I am sorry that happened to you." I responded with, “me too”, and then she was off playing again.

That was it, it was all she needed to know and all I needed to hear. The simple words that she spoke meant so much to me. I also realized telling her wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. She is an amazing young lady and I am so blessed to be her mom.

Being authentic

Being authentic can be a challenge when you have spent most of your life playing pretend. Do you ever feel like this? I know most of my life I was playing pretend and I hear the same thing often from other abuse survivors. For me, to be transparent and authentic can still at times be challenging. However, I desire to be 100% real and transparent with my emotions, my past and my day to day life.  I know for me it is so much easier to be open and share my heart with another person that is transparent, real and shows vulnerability. People that are transparent tend to have a much more inviting personality when they show their vulnerabilities.  Let me ask you a question, have you ever been around someone that's being transparent and vulnerable with sharing their struggles and pain? Now, after they are finished do you ever think, wow,  this person is weak and full of drama or do you ever find yourself laughing at their vulnerability. I am sure the answer to all the above questions would be of course not. Its so much easier to love and extend grace to people that are vulnerable. I can't expect to follow my heart of helping other people in finding their worth or to speak truth into other peoples lives, if I myself still walk in lies. Now don't get me wrong I am a million miles further than where I first started. Writing The Ticket for me was huge in the process of being more transparent.  Also, this blog which is often my thoughts and feeling of what is currently on my heart. It can be scary to put your heart and emotion out for people to read. I often talk about my past with being sexually abuse and the long healing journey that has came with it. I know that the writings I put on here anyone can read, including the man that caused all the pain to begin with. That has at times made me question what I should or shouldn't write on here but than I still wouldn't be allowing myself to be authentic. I challenge you this week, to be vulnerable, to say what you really feel while letting people into your life, even the messy parts. You might be surprised at the love and grace you receive and you never know it might just be the very thing that has been holding you back.

You can change the world by helping a child

There are a lot of broken adults walking around today from the abuse they suffered as a child in silence. If we do not become a society that is a safer place to release these secrets, there will be many more broken adults to come. We need to learn to see the red flags, the broken spirits, the lingering affects and scars that so many children are walking around with today.  If we start helping the broken and voiceless children today, we will see hope and health in them tomorrow. It does't take a super hero to be this person. This person is YOU, the teacher, the coach, the church family, the neighbor, the nurse, YOU. We all need to start seeing and believing that childhood sexual abuse is real and that we at this vary moment already know a child or even more, that is currently being sexually abused. Stop and absorb that truth. If you know more then 6 children, statistically then, you already know a child right now that is being sexually abused. Will you be their ticket out? Will you see the signs? This child that is being abused, doesn't have a red sign around their neck but we were all born with a intuition, that gut feeling, the one we turn off and sometimes ignore, don't. We need to see with our eyes more and listen to our hearts more. Imagine a neighborhood, a school, a church, a city, all full of heroes being a voice for the voiceless. This is possible and something that is tangible and in reach. I believe it, do you? 

Through Her Eyes

Anyone will hurt for a child that's been sexual abused and we all do. But for us, that have also been sexually abused ourselves, we don't just hurt for them, we hurt with them. When hearing their story,  we instantly will physically feel their pain and the devastating shame that goes along with abuse. Its a instant burden we then carry along with them.  No matter how far through the healing journey we have walked. There is  no time or distance that can separate our memories from that pain. I recently had a humbling encounter with a young girl that has endured horrific pain and torment at the hands of a abuser. Her pain, so raw and wounds so freshly opened, that my heart physically hurt and many nights I  lost sleep thinking of this amazing child and her beautiful eyes. Those eyes that told her story with no words needing to be spoken. That same pain I felt in that room, while talking with this young survivor, is the same pain that drives me to bring awareness to this secret awful epidemic . I don't have all the answers or know just how completely yet,  but through many voices and lots of tears, day  by day and child by child, abuse will have a voice and that voice will say enough and people will start to listen.

What parents need to know about Child Sexual Abuse

What Parents Need to Know About Child Sexual Abuse 1. Talking to your child before an assault happens is the best prevention: Children are best protected by giving them the knowledge and skills necessary for their safety. Let your child know that safety rules apply to all adults including family members. Encourage your child to tell someone about secrets that are making her/him feel bad. Let your child know that you are available to talk and listen. Allow your child to share thoughts and listen closely to what they are telling you. Help your child understand who they can trust. Talk with your child about this and listen to their input. Tell your child that if someone touches her/him to tell and keep telling until someone listens. Instilling a sense of strong self-esteem in your child may help your child avoid feelings of responsibility and guilt if they are victimized. Open sexual communication at home can make it easier for children to disclose sexual abuse by minimizing discomfort. A child is never to blame for the abuse. Children cannot prevent abuse, only the offender can. 2. Knowing perpetrator tactics and how a child may react can help you detect sexual abuse: Offenders may threaten to hurt the child or a family member of the child if they tell anyone about the abuse. This is common regardless of whether the perpetrator is a family member, friend, acquaintance or stranger. A child often feels that she/he is to blame for the abuse. The offender may reinforce this by using guilt tactics on the child. Offenders often follow up abusive incidents with treats or gifts for the child. This is very confusing for the child and may make her/him feel guilty for accepting the gifts and/or for feeling bad about the abuse. Be aware if your child talks a lot about a particular adult or older person. Be aware of individuals (family member, friend, neighbor) who spend an inordinate amount of time with your child. It is common for a child to deny that abuse happened when it did or tell about the abuse and then recant their original statement. There is little evidence that children make false allegations of abuse. 3. Responding appropriately when your child is victimized can make all the different in her/his healing process: If you think abuse is going on, act on that feeling or instinct. Believe your child when they tell. Don't force a child to talk or stop talking about the abuse. Allow them to go at their own pace. Be patient. Remind your child how strong she/he was for telling about the abuse. Getting your child involved with a support group of peer survivors can help eliminate feelings of isolation. Get support for you and your child, this is a very difficult issue for any one person to handle.--(Info taken fromCity of Lakewood Colorado webpage)

Press Release from BMH books

Over at BMH books and Publishing they did an interview of me regarding The Ticket. If you would like to read about what they had to say regarding The Ticket please go to 
www.fgbcworld-blog.com

Best seller's list!

Last night, I saw that The Ticket was put on my Publisher's best seller's list and it is in spot number 4! I was so humbled and blessed that it made the list let alone fourth on it! What that means is that there are more chances for children to have a ticket out of abuse and more oppurtunities for sexual abuse to be talked about. Thank you to all that are helping make this dream a reality.

It is here

Today I held and saw my first copy of the completed Ticket. I can't tell you how amazing it was to see the finished product. I want to thank you all that have already ordered your copy and/or shared The Ticket's information with others. Thank you just isn't enough to explain how grateful I am for that.

Published!

I received an amazing phone call this past Saturday from Trafford, who is the publisher of The Ticket. They congratulated me on being a published Author, it was a surreal moment to hear my name in the same sentence as Published Author. What this means is, The Ticket is available through Trafford.com and through Amazon and Barnes and Noble. here and here

One thing I am learning through this journey is, if you wish to stay an introvert,  then publishing a book is not ideal for you. I believe God gets a big kick out of pushing His children to stretch more and more out of their comfort zone. Each day I am reaching out and talking about this book and the passion behind it. I am doing so in ways I would never have dreamed of seeing myself do. When you learn God has given you a voice and for a reason, it would be a horrible waste not to use it as He has called you to.

Waiting and Blessed

Waiting, that is what this lady is doing. I spoke today to my publisher, who reassured me, that The Ticket would be available for purchase sometime this week. It will be available through their web page, Trafford.com. It will then go "live" to other retailers within two weeks from the date that is available on Trafford.com. So please know, I too, am patiently waiting to being able to hold a hard copy of this dream in my hands. This is the hardest part;  knowing The Ticket is all done but, still waiting.  Through The Ticket, some pretty cool things have already happened. I had the opportunity to go to the Arizona Supreme Court and speak with some phenomenal people regarding sexual abuse and how The Ticket can be used as a tool in helping children out of sexual abuse. I also talked with them about how to make sure the book is available for every child to have access to. Amazing! That word doesn't even come close to describe what wonderful  people we have working at the Supreme Court of Arizona, or how big their hearts are for children.   Please continue to share Graciesticket.com with any teachers, pediatricians, counselors, and caregivers that you may know. Anyone that is a constant person in children's lives. "Because every child deserves a ticket out!"

Meet Gracie

Meet Gracie, she is from the new children's book The Ticket. Gracie was a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of The Man, who was a very close and trusted person in her life. Gracie came in contact with The Ticket which gave her means to safely reach out for help. It's now her dream to make it possible for The Ticket to reach all children of sexual abuse and give them means to become free! The Ticket will be available for purchase in the next few weeks.

How The Ticket came to be.

In October of 2007, I went to a women’s conference with my best friend; there was a group of close to 50 women. I reluctantly went, as I was aware that I would not know anyone other than her. At that time in my life, large groups, and worse than that a large group of women, intimidated me to the fullest. I went, sat in the back row listening, and all the while my heart was being worked on by God.   Sunday morning was the last session and as the speaker was wrapping up, I felt compelled to thank her for the weekend.  As I stood to say thank you, it was almost like my feet had a mind of their own. I, the shy woman with very few words, started walking to the front of the conference. I stood up there with my legs shaking,  a red face and said, “Thank you for allowing me to be part of this and making me feel comfortable." Just as I started to head back to my seat the speaker, Nancy, said, “The Lord gave me a word for you! You are going to write a book to help girls that have gone through what you have gone through!"  I nearly fell to my knees!  How did a woman that didn’t know me, know that I loved to write but had never shared that interest with people?  You see, I grew up with dyslexia; and my reading and writing have never been what the world would call that of a writer. Even more surprising to me was how did she know what I had been through? How did she know my heart? When I left for home, I was certain that the book would be a biography or something along those lines; however, as you can see, God has different plans for us than we have for ourselves. A few months later I was driving in my car and as clear as day, I saw the book. I saw how it looked and the complete idea of The Ticket.  God gave me a vision of how it would be used as a powerful tool to help children. God showed me that He was going to use this book to help so many children out of sexual abuse!  I sat on that Idea for almost 4 years until this past September (2011) when I felt it was time to start writing The Ticket.  God has led me through this entire process and the passion behind this book runs deep in my soul. My heart cries for every child that has ever had to, and is currently, facing the indescribable pain and torment that comes from being a victim of sexual abuse. But, I also know that there is freedom and hope for these children. They can overcome, conquer, and become the awesome child, and adult, that their predator tried to steal away. It is my prayer that The Ticket reaches every school, doctor’s office, DES office, therapist office, and anywhere else where God can use it to reach these children.