You can change the world by helping a child

There are a lot of broken adults walking around today from the abuse they suffered as a child in silence. If we do not become a society that is a safer place to release these secrets, there will be many more broken adults to come. We need to learn to see the red flags, the broken spirits, the lingering affects and scars that so many children are walking around with today.  If we start helping the broken and voiceless children today, we will see hope and health in them tomorrow. It does't take a super hero to be this person. This person is YOU, the teacher, the coach, the church family, the neighbor, the nurse, YOU. We all need to start seeing and believing that childhood sexual abuse is real and that we at this vary moment already know a child or even more, that is currently being sexually abused. Stop and absorb that truth. If you know more then 6 children, statistically then, you already know a child right now that is being sexually abused. Will you be their ticket out? Will you see the signs? This child that is being abused, doesn't have a red sign around their neck but we were all born with a intuition, that gut feeling, the one we turn off and sometimes ignore, don't. We need to see with our eyes more and listen to our hearts more. Imagine a neighborhood, a school, a church, a city, all full of heroes being a voice for the voiceless. This is possible and something that is tangible and in reach. I believe it, do you? 

Hospice, Sexual Abuse and the Survivors last days.

"Guest post written by a Hospice Care Giver which happens to be a very close friend. Her stories bring to light how long people carry the hurt and burdens of Childhood Sexual Abuse."

I have been blessed with the unique privilege of helping care for terminally ill patients in their last weeks of life.  I'm a hospice care giver and I LOVE my job!! I am always grateful to my patients and their families for allowing me to be a part of one of the most intimate experiences they will go through.  When they are admitted to our facility, we are complete strangers to each other, but very quickly we are thrust in to circumstances that don't allow for getting to know yous or trust building.  There have been many things that have surprised me in the 3 years that I've been doing this.  These surprises range from the resolve and courage that the patients exude, to the how the amount of peace a patient has found will translate to the way their final days will go. 

The patients I care for come from all walks of life, all types of experiences, and have all types of histories.  When a patient has a history of abuse, even if they have found closure, healing, and forgiveness, it inevitably creeps back up when they are on their death bed.  Abuse, physical or sexual, impacts a patient's ability to let a caregiver actually care for them.  Bathing, repositioning, not to mention other medically required procedures, all become moments filled with anxiety, and sometimes fear.  I have had women, after years of therapy, happy marriages, and positive experiences as a mother, become focused on their history of abuse.  At times, It will consume their thoughts and conversations and if they have not been able to forgive their abuser, that plagues them as well.  I have had some who tremble in fear when we need to bathe them or dress them. 

Abusers probably don't care how much of an impact their actions have on their victims; their inappropriate acts linger far beyond therapy sessions, years of healing, or years of perfecting the art of disassociation.  An abuser's acts will surface at a time when a patient must face all that has occurred in their life and come to terms with it.  An abuser's acts will sometimes be part of the last thing a patient speaks or expresses to family members. An abuser's acts will invoke fear in an adult who may have thought they put those emotions, those nightmares behind them. 

The impact of abuse is far reaching and sometimes in ways that we would least expect.  Three years later, I still encounter situations where my patient is robbed of their peace and their right to pass away surrounded by only good memories because of what an abuser did in their past. 

Red Flags

Are you aware that 90% of children personally know and trust their abuser! These man and women are good at gaining our children's and even our own trust. This process is commonly referred to as grooming.  To the naked eye, it can seem like nothing more than a caring and helpful adult.  So, how can we tell the difference between a healthy, caring, adult and one that has motives to hurt our little ones? There are red flags and when we see them or our guts say "something just doesn't seem right" we must act on that. We can't just pass the problem on to someone else, in the hopes to clean our hands and conscience of what we see and feel as inappropriate. Some of the red flags are as following:

- Someone continually disregarding to let your child set boundaries. Boundaries and limits are there for a purpose. The person with corrupt intentions will consistently test those limits.

-An adult that seem preoccupied with a children "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who seem to engage in frequent contact with children, i.e., casual touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling, combing hair or having children sit on their lap.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who act like children when with children or who allow children to do questionable or inappropriate things.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who want to take your children on special outings too frequently or plan activities that would include being alone with your child.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who do not have children and seem to know too much about the current fads or music popular with children.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults that your children seem to like for reasons you don't understand.  "source Oprah.com"

-Adults who seem able to infiltrate family and social functions or are "always available" to watch your kids.  "source Oprah.com"

These are just some common red flags to help us identify where a child maybe in harms way. We must not become jaded or paranoid that all good deeds have a motive but if your gut and heart do not feel right, ACT!

What The Ticket means to me

To me The Ticket is so much more than a 32 page children's book. What I see in the words, is the heart of abuse and the fear and courage that comes through it. It gives hope, where there is very little. It opens the heart of a child in need and communicates to a large group of people, young and old. This  group if given the chance, would surely not be part of this group that is rapidly growing daily, but they would never want to not be part of the solution.  There is a unspoken hurt that is shared, it is seen in each others eyes. The Ticket isn't just words or pictures of sexual abuse. It was written with the passion to end abuse. To give victims their first voice, and to say I understand your pain and I am here to lend my heart, voice and ear to help you see your worth. The Ticket isn't  just a book to me that deals with sexual abuse, it was written from my soul and my own deep desire to end this horrible epidemic. I want the few people that haven't been affected by abuse to know how real it is, and the adults that are still carrying that burden alone, to feel safe to release it. Mostly I just want every child that is facing abuse now to have their Ticket out Today, not in ten years or as an adult but this very moment.

What parents need to know about Child Sexual Abuse

What Parents Need to Know About Child Sexual Abuse 1. Talking to your child before an assault happens is the best prevention: Children are best protected by giving them the knowledge and skills necessary for their safety. Let your child know that safety rules apply to all adults including family members. Encourage your child to tell someone about secrets that are making her/him feel bad. Let your child know that you are available to talk and listen. Allow your child to share thoughts and listen closely to what they are telling you. Help your child understand who they can trust. Talk with your child about this and listen to their input. Tell your child that if someone touches her/him to tell and keep telling until someone listens. Instilling a sense of strong self-esteem in your child may help your child avoid feelings of responsibility and guilt if they are victimized. Open sexual communication at home can make it easier for children to disclose sexual abuse by minimizing discomfort. A child is never to blame for the abuse. Children cannot prevent abuse, only the offender can. 2. Knowing perpetrator tactics and how a child may react can help you detect sexual abuse: Offenders may threaten to hurt the child or a family member of the child if they tell anyone about the abuse. This is common regardless of whether the perpetrator is a family member, friend, acquaintance or stranger. A child often feels that she/he is to blame for the abuse. The offender may reinforce this by using guilt tactics on the child. Offenders often follow up abusive incidents with treats or gifts for the child. This is very confusing for the child and may make her/him feel guilty for accepting the gifts and/or for feeling bad about the abuse. Be aware if your child talks a lot about a particular adult or older person. Be aware of individuals (family member, friend, neighbor) who spend an inordinate amount of time with your child. It is common for a child to deny that abuse happened when it did or tell about the abuse and then recant their original statement. There is little evidence that children make false allegations of abuse. 3. Responding appropriately when your child is victimized can make all the different in her/his healing process: If you think abuse is going on, act on that feeling or instinct. Believe your child when they tell. Don't force a child to talk or stop talking about the abuse. Allow them to go at their own pace. Be patient. Remind your child how strong she/he was for telling about the abuse. Getting your child involved with a support group of peer survivors can help eliminate feelings of isolation. Get support for you and your child, this is a very difficult issue for any one person to handle.--(Info taken fromCity of Lakewood Colorado webpage)

Family Secret's

A lot of people who have been sexually abused are part of a family secret that is many decades old. This is a dirty secret that is passed down from generation to generation and usually, without words spoken, the family teaches one another through their lack of actions, that it is normal and secrets are meant to be kept. I believe just the opposite; anything that is kept a secret is not a healthy family tradition to pass down. When we grow up keeping secrets, eventually lies become who we are. When we expose secrets, we become transparent, real and we carry a much lighter load on our shoulders. Exposing the secrets will cause pain, perhaps rejection from family and many hurtful words will be spoken, but in the end you will find beauty, freedom and a stronger family core to the ones that choose to stick around in order to heal.

Press Release from BMH books

Over at BMH books and Publishing they did an interview of me regarding The Ticket. If you would like to read about what they had to say regarding The Ticket please go to 
www.fgbcworld-blog.com

How do we view ourselves?

Do you believe that God has more for you than what you feel you deserve? I know I haven’t always believed that. Growing up, I was the one that always had low self esteem;  I would lie, hide behind a tough exterior, and I would do stuff I didn't really want to do. I did all of this as an attempt to be liked. I was constantly the first person to insult myself; whether about my past, my education level, my parenting style, you name it I would demean myself in that area. I believe I did that to protect myself. If I insulted myself first, I would beat others to the punch. Over the past year I have became very aware of this issue; I am more confident about myself then I tend to let on. I really am a confident parent.  I know I love to write and have a lot to give. Sometimes, I think we desire to hide within our past to be safe.  The past can be a very comfortable place to reside. The past is where we all have made mistakes and where we already know what the outcomes are. The present can be scary. The present is like jumping out of a plane. You have to have faith that the parachute will work and as you land, your legs will be strong enough to hold up. As I become more of who God made me to be, I also become more in love with Him for patiently waiting for me to see myself as He sees me. God has plans for all of us.  For those of us that have been abused it was not His will for it to happen. I believe He gave us all free will and our predators used their freedom very wrongly .He was weeping alongside of us.  He will use our pains to help others.  He will give us a voice that was stolen from us and will be our biggest supporter. The pain I went through was not in vain and that, for me today, is the most amazing, heart wrenching feeling I have ever experienced. I am learning that we can’t rush healing. The journey Jesus takes us on is all part of that healing and we must learn to enjoy every victory; learn from every sorrow.

Broken Girl by Matthew West with lyrics

I just want to thank all that have came to this page and shared it with others. It means more to me then I can ever express! I just saw the final illustrations on The Ticket, which makes it that much closer to coming to a tangible reality. Please continue to pray for Gods hand to lead and direct every step. Nicole Martin

The Ticket

Coming soon! We anticipate this unique childrens book to be ready for purchase in early August. Please check back often for updates