(Guest post written by Shaney with who was my ticket out of abuse, and for me the strongest and most inspiring survivor I know. Her story, strength and courage is contagious!)
It's been a long 28 years of life for this young women. 15 years of complete terror, 8 years of horror, and another 5 years of bliss. Let's see what exactly defines terror?Well Webster says 1 : a state of intense fear. But what exactly is fear? Fear is defined as 1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. That's exactly the way I remember those years of terror... Full of fear of what may or may not happen next. As children we need stability to trust that what may happen next will not harm us. Without it we have instability or terror. As a child I dreamed of a home without terror. Not a large luxurious home but a home that was safe. Let's imagine life without ever being safe for just a second. A life that was spent day and night with fear. It's almost unimaginable. Safety is defined as 1 : free from harm or risk. Now I know a child should not have to dream of such things as safety. Safety should not be a luxury but it should be freely given to every child. But in those 15 years of my life of terror safety was a only a dream. When a child dreams it gives them hope. Hope is defined as 1 : to cherish a desire with anticipation. A child has the truest feelings of hope. They can cherish there dreams and also expect them to come true. As we grow older we lose that innocence. I almost believe that as we get older we all lose a little hope each day.
So how did I learn to have hope again? Through God! I found the one thing that is safe. In other words
I had found my dream! So you ask what's the 8 years of horror, right? Horror is defined as 1. an overwhelming and painful feeling caused by something frightfully shocking, terrifying, or revolting. So I had found this amazing place where I could feel safe, but not from myself! The horror was now within me. So for 8 years I lived with the feeling of horror that was caused by, ME. It's easy to blame someone else for everything that has happened and stay locked in horror forever! So you ask how did I make it from horror to bliss! I forgave myself. I admitted that the problem was within me and moved on. With that one safe place and forgiveness we have BLISS